The Ted Offensive

Cat Scratch Crazy – AKA Toxoplasmosis, causes disorganized electrical activity that interrupts the normal functioning of the brain, often leading to uncontrolled movements in the body and sometimes a temporary change in consciousness. S’plains a lot…

Written by:  Heather Clemenceau

Whenever some hunting or animal killing scandal erupts on the internet, I hustle over to Ted Nugent’s Facebook page to troll the gibberish-spewing bigots that float to the surface. Like a perpetual motion machine, the barbarism on his page never stops either.

Ted is now weighing-in on the issue of Cecil the Zimbabwean lion who was illegally killed by Dr. Walter Palmer DDS, in Hwange National Park after being tracked, in a wounded state, for 40 hours,  after which time he was skinned and decapitated. Killing Cecil was illegal,  according to a statement from the Zimbabwe National Parks and Wildlife Authority and the Safari Operators Association, because the farm owner evidently didn’t have a hunting permit and he was deliberately lured from the Park. So Palmer could face poaching charges, and it’s not the first time he’s been in legal trouble as a result of his hunting practices.  Both Nugent and Palmer have a history of profane attacks on women too,  with Palmer agreeing to pay a settlement to a female employee of $127,500 for sexual harassment.

Cecil the lion had been part of an Oxford University study, and his tracking collar was found to have been discarded by the poachers. The university study was looking into the impact of sports hunting on lions living in the safari area surrounding the national park. The research found that “34 of 62 tagged lions died during the study period. 24 were shot by sport hunters. Sport hunters in the safari areas surrounding the park killed 72% of tagged adult males from the study area.” Of course, Ted claims that Palmer is innocent of all charges, and that if hunters didn’t hunt animals, humans would run out of space in which to live. He actually wrote that.

Ted Nugent, trophy hunter, racist moron, low IQ buffoon, shares a lot in common with cat-killer Dr. Kristen Lindsay.

Trophy hunters do not care about conservation – the only thing they care about is killing the biggest and the best, and bringing home full trophy mounts or body parts, usually back to the United States. Trophy hunting excursions need to be made illegal, IMO, and airlines that do not already decline to ship animal trophies need to be persuaded to stop. If this could be achieved, it would do much to curtail this type of “tourism.”

By the same token, I wish somehow it were possible to keep Ted Nugent and his loincloth in Michigan, even though this would mean throwing more Michigan animals under the bus. I keep hoping that someday he’ll be charged with a criminal offence and become inadmissible to Canada. We block the Westboro Baptist Church from coming to Canada, so why not Nugent? He’s the host of his own animal-death-porn telecast for the Outdoor Channel, and a right-wing hater cruel enough to have his hunting licenses rescinded temporarily in some states. Described by other hunters as “unethical,” and willing to shoot at anything, Ted Nugent’s hunting business, Sunrize Safaris, has been bringing its own brand of cruelty to Canada for decades. Nuge recently shared a photo of himself after he went full berserker on a bear reportedly killed with the help of Lawrence Dyer & Sons Outfitters, a Canada-based hunting business mired in legal trouble over poaching and animal part possession charges. Operators Daniel, Christopher and Kimberly Dyer have been charged with more than 60 counts of illegal hunting and possession of illegal animal parts, including baculum, part of a bear’s penis.

America’s delusional tantrum-throwing adult toddler Ted Nugent will go to his grave babbling about his  obsession with killing animals just to watch them die. Yeah, he hates wild horses too.

Although Nugent is not named among the accused in this case, he’s still no stranger to charges of unethical behaviour stemming from his bloody pastime. On a game farm in South Africa, Nugent displayed his unique version of “sportsmanship” when he wounded a rhino. “Humane hunter” that he is, he refused to let game rangers finish what he’d started because he claimed the rhino was “his” to kill. The rhino escaped, presumably mortally wounded, to die a lingering death elsewhere.

In a separate incident, the ever-KKKlassy Nugent, whose career as a “musician” has essentially been over for decades, was banned from hunting in Alaska for a year, served probation, paid a $10,000

Nugent has no respect for Canadian law – Conservatives are welcome to keep their D-list celeb and NRA spokes-whore in Michigan.

fine, and recorded a public service announcement as part of a deal to plead guilty to transporting an illegally killed black bear. In 2012, someone watching his hunting show “Spirit of the Wild” realized that the utterly dumb and offensive Nugent had committed a crime when a “crazy law” didn’t let him go on to kill a second bear after the first one escaped, wounded.  The plea deal certainly didn’t slow him down, since he continued advertising bear hunting tours in Canada.

In yet another incident, the Outdoor Channel filmed him killing a buck too young to be legally hunted. The episode aired in February 2010 on the same television show. California Officials investigated this incident and found that the immature deer had been baited, which is illegal in California. Nugent was brought up on charges of illegally baiting a deer and failing to have a deer tag, to which he pleaded no contest. He was fined $1,750. Sadface.

Hopefully he will blow out a knee kicking himself in the ass over these violations being shown on television, but I doubt it. And these fines mean nothing to him financially. But maybe Ted Nugent and LD&S Outfitters (who have their hearing next month) are the reason that the Department of Natural Resources has had to take responsibility for so many bear cubs being orphaned in New Brunswick? Could there really be many other explanations other

Direct quote from the washed-up rocker and unabashed animal killer – “Anybody that wants to get in our (hunters’) way does not deserve anything less than a bullet between the eyes.”

than hunting? Similarly, the degenerate dentist’s killing of Cecil will ultimately mean that the lion that takes Cecil’s place in his pride will almost certainly kill his cubs, exponentially increasing the death toll for the trophy hunt.

After the internet is done being mean to Dr. Decapitator, all that may be left for him in the field of cosmetic dentistry is straightening Ted Nugent’s crooked chiclet veneers. You might wonder why if he loves hunting, the piss-and-shit-in-his-pants draft dodger Nugent didn’t want to go to war and shoot people. Unlike the defenseless animals this asshat plucks off from the safety of a tree blind after luring them with stale donuts, the enemy soldiers would shoot him back.

Delta Airlines is the only major U.S. carrier with direct service to South Africa who has not indicated whether they will refuse to ship hunting trophies. Please sign the petition to ask them to stop accepting trophies, even if they are accompanied by valid permits. Please also contact the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service and tell them to ban importation of animal parts from trophy hunts.

Apologies to my American friends, but you are almost entirely responsible for the social media popularity of the overzealous kook known as Ted Nugent.